I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
