OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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