Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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