I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
