im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
