Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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