she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
