the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
