A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
