party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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