I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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