Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
