I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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