No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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