May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
