I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
