At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
