is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
