Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
