She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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