my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
