I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
