Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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