I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
