someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
