my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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