Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
