Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
