My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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