Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I understand Curling. That high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
