cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
