I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
