She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
