She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
