I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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