In the future we'll all be gay
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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