Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
