i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
