Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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