Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
