I am spending my child support on dildos
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
