Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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