after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
