so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
