So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
