I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
