I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
