eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
