White coat. Heels.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
