I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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