Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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