tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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