its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
