I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
