I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize