Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
