She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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