What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
