I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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