I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
please don't ironically join a cult
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