I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
