I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
