Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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